Festival season is nearly among us. And we all know what that means...
1. Getting Crushed.
We've all been there. You've finally got to the front of the
crowd to see your favourite band, only to endure two hours of, well, exercise.
Throughout
the two hours your stamina is being pushed to the max, sometimes you will
surprise yourself at how strong you actually are. Other times you will just implode.
Our advice- find a
nice view of the stage and chill at the back with a ice cold beverage.
It doesn't just happen near the stage. Getting crushed in random, quirky areas that the festival has dotted around the site is not-uncommon. The guy on the left-hand of the picture is probably mangled underneath those innocent looking balls...
2. Dressing Yourself.
People seem to let themselves go when they attend festivals.
I guess that’s because there are no full length mirrors.
You THINK you look cool just throwing on any old thing, you
say to yourself, ‘yeah, I'm well pulling off festival-chic’, but in reality you end up looking
something like this…
Our advice- TBH, you do look like a bit of a dick, but actually It’s okay. Festivals are the places you can really pull this off. So just go mental and have fun with it.
3. The Person Who Takes Too Much.
We've all experienced the invasion of our personal space by
one person who has clearly gone too far, be it with alcohol or other
substances.
You try to get away, but they are always there, staring at
you, or moving in a way you have never seen before, making you feel
uncomfortable.
Our advice- don’t talk to them. It will encourage them. Have
you ever made friends with a cat on your street, only when you walk away from
it, it starts to follow you? That will happen.
4. Peeing in the Pouring Rain.
It’s been a lovely day and you are getting ready for bed in
your tent. The Great British weather does it’s thing and starts to piss all
over your festival.
You realise you need to pee. You really need to pee. And if you
go outside, you will get drenched and have to go to sleep wet.
You eye that bottle up in the bottom of your tent, but then
you realise that you have a vagina, and it’s definitely not bottle-shaped (guys
relieve themselves at this stage and go back to sleep). What do you do!?
Our advice- don’t put a plastic carrier bag over an empty beer box and sit on it like a toilet. This WILL collapse under your weight and you will be sitting in your own piss, (not speaking from personal experience or anything, achem)
5. Getting Dragged Along to see a 'Really Amazing Band'.
Your friend convinces you to come and see 'this really amazing band man'. You get to the stage and it's the biggest pile of crap you've ever heard. How did they even get a slot at this festival!? Must have done a dodgy deed to get onto this stage. Your ears want to fold in on themselves.
Our advice- Run. Just start running. In any direction. Your friend will probably be too into this 'really amazing band man' to even notice. And before you know it, you will be safe. No awful band can get you here. Not any more.
6. Somebody Treads on your Head. You Are Lying In Your Tent!
Yup, somebody outside thinks that your tent is part of the field and steps
right onto it, and steps through right onto your head. You spend the rest of your night awake, flinching
at every movement outside.
Our advice- Get a brightly coloured tent. Actually this probably
won’t stop it from happening. Wear a helmet to bed.
7. The Journey Home.
Whatever method of transport you get home, one thing is for
sure, you will smell. You will also be tired and extremely depressed.
Our advice- Get an ice-cream and travel with friends.
8. The First Night at Home.
You will feel oh so lonely in your bed. Silence; what is
this witch-craft? Weirdly you will miss the sea-of-sound you could hear every
night in your tent.
Our advice-Hug a pillow, rock yourself and tell yourself
everything will be all right.
However, the pros really do outweigh the cons when it comes to attending festivals. So get over the last 8 points and you will have so much fun :)